Service Animals - Ep. 6 - Golden Handcuffs

Transcript

Chris: 0:17

Hello and welcome to Service Animals. I'm your host, Chris Connors. Thank you so much for being here for episode six. This is the podcast by the service industry about the service industry, life, and everything else. First and foremost this is a show for all of us to share our experiences and insights. If you'd like to be a part of it, you can call in at(720) 515-7218. Leave a message and let me know if you have a story to share or advice to ask for. You can also email at Service Animals roar@gmail.com. Come be a guest on the show, anonymous or recognized. Share your best tales, promote your craft, and have a laugh with me. Happy to be back everyone. We got another cool milestone to shout out this week. So, I said last week that we had become a global podcast. Vis-a-vis Australia. And this week in five episodes, we've now hit five countries. So incredibly exciting. We went from the United States to Mexico, to Japan, to Australia, and now India. I. So thank you India. And yeah, I'm just super grateful and I have no idea why I keep being found in other countries. I think that's really cool. It's just a testament to how silly this is to be stressing about something that I'm doing at again, close to 2:00 AM on the deadline of the end of the week. And I'm like, how am I gonna do this? And what am I gonna talk about? And then every week someone new in a different part of the world has thought it had value. That's really amazing and I really appreciate it. And once again, I will continue to earn that and keep expanding the pod and make it something that's worthwhile to listen to.'cause I don't wanna waste your time and I want it to be the best it can be. So thank you so much India. Really appreciate you Quick shout out to Stella mentioned last week for being in the SpongeBob the musical at her grade school. She won an acting award and completely expected, obviously the first of many. But congrats, Stella and I think that's so amazing. So. Little housekeeping this week. Guests are still incoming. I have people committing to coming on in the next couple weeks that are just finishing up school, like I said last week. So it's a busy season for everybody and a lot of people are just working and going to school right now. So not a lot of free time, but I am thinking about incorporating more segments of just calling people in. To the show. I think that'll be easier to like just text people and ask like, Hey, can you come on for like a quick five or something to get their opinion on something specific. So I might start doing that and you know, learning how to edit that in and go from there. So anyway that's upcoming. So this week in service globally, you know, once again, I think a recurring topic is gonna be AI in general. Today I saw it impact my real job. So at the restaurant I work we take to go orders from all the common online services you know, GrubHub, DoorDash, that kind of thing. And I had a guy call in and angrily tell me that the pizza that he got was supposed to have a certain number of ingredients on it that he listed off. And then I. I reassured him that no, no, no. It had none of those ingredients. And it was actually this kind of pizza, which is exactly the kind of pizza he got. And this pizza had chicken on it. And he's like, well, I thought it had these ingredients and I'm allergic to chicken. So, so that obviously sucks. But you know, obviously you grab the manager, get'em on the line, and you know, this guy, this guy was kind of, cantankerous, shall we say. And I could see my manager's face just go into that mask of a serene acceptance of the tirade that he surely was listening to.'cause we have no real control over the menu that these apps put out. I mean, if you go on Yelp you know, that's the one I use to kind of find places near me when I need to. I've noticed that they can have pictures of menus that are from five years ago. They can be, you know, very recent. They can be official menus from the restaurant itself, or they're obviously just what people remember or putting up. So there's all that confusion that you're looking online, trying to see if a place has what you want, but now add into it. This my manager went on DoorDash and found our restaurant and apparently. Discovered that the descriptions of our food was all written by door Dash's ai. So once again, in a clear case of this invading every facet of our lives in ways that you don't really expect this guy had gotten a pizza with things on it that he was allergic to because AI summarized or otherwise compiled information that was incorrect and, and put the wrong ingredients to the wrong pizza. You know, and whether or not that turns into a, you know, deadly situation with anaphylactic shock or something like that, you know, that's another story. But it's it's just gonna be the, the kind of growing pains of a society, learning how to deal with a more automated way of performing socially together. In other AI news, and I love following this topic, obviously, because I don't think anyone is paying attention hard enough in my life. So I like to be the guy who is proselytizing to the rest of my family and friends. But and now to you dear listener. So Sam Altman, the CEO of OpenAI which is the. App that I subscribe to for 20 bucks a month, I do the plus version of chat GBT, which I find to be incredibly worthwhile and useful for a very small amount of money. But it is free if you wanna use for free. So Sam and. His now business partner Joni, ive are partnering to create the iPhone of ai basically. Joni was one of the lead designers on the iPhone, the iPad at Apple. He worked with Steve Jobs. He broke off to form his own company, which now got bought by OpenAI for$6.5 billion. So basically what this means and what they announced this past week was just the iPhone moment of AI that they're working on a device. Sam already has the prototype in his home and is blown away by it. But this is going to be a screenless device that is gonna make it so you don't have to interact with your phone nearly as much in your day-to-day life. Right. It has to be that good because it's not offering a screen, so you can't check information like that. The purpose of this company, I think is noble and good. It's necessary to create new technology. Like they said, that's not decades old running applications and. New forms of technology that are cutting edge just doesn't make sense in the way that we're still using a keyboard, you know, instead of voice typing because it's not a hundred percent or we're, you know, still using a mouse to interact on a screen and click. I don't think people truly understand how all this is about to change, and it matters to service because. How many jobs and positions can you think of that have some sort of knowledge component to it? What will it mean if most people in society and they're trying to launch, selling a hundred million units outta the gate, it, it would be the fastest selling electronic device in history, like the biggest launch ever. That's what they're aiming for, and I think they're gonna do it because imagine a device that replaces most of the knowledge work of the human race. You know, not just a phone where it's like, you can make the argument, oh yeah, we're all connected to the internet. So, you know, you don't ask your friend for information that you can Google, you know, and that affects cocktail and wine service because, you know, if I am, if I'm unsure of a cocktail because I haven't made it in a few years and I wanna make sure of the proportions, I'm gonna look it up online. Right. I'm not asking AI how to make it yet, but It could easily be that kind of transition where, you know, instead of typing on my phone what's in a paper plane, I will be just asking, you know, something that sits on the register at work. Like, oh yeah, what's in this again? And what proportions? And it tells me instantly. So interacting with something in a way that's voice primary and. You get answers in a conversational way is going to change the way that we interact with each other in public. You know, you see this already with phones taking the place of conversation in bars. You know, if you go 10, 15, 20 years ago and you go to any bar, you would expect that you would be talking to your neighbor, kind of outta necessity. If you're at a sports bar, obviously easier to just watch something on the wall and maybe interact if you want, if you're at a sports bar with your phone. That's really in your own world, right? You're, you're doing your own thing there. But imagine everyone has like an earpiece in that just becomes this common accessory, and they all have this little puck, and this little puck has a camera on it so it can see everything you're experiencing and it remembers everything that's being said around you. And you can ask it reference questions to anything that you don't remember from your day. You know, that's gonna change how we all talk to each other. It's gonna change how we expect to show up in places. It will be weird when I see people at the bar with VR goggles on for the first time. It will be weird when it becomes socially acceptable to have this new Joni Ives, Sam Altman the company's called IO when their new device comes out, and it is going to be like the biggest device ever. You know, this is the kind of stuff that people really aren't thinking about, and especially my coworkers, you know, I was trying to have a conversation night with someone and she was kinda lamenting how she didn't know what her purpose was and what the, you know, even though she's going to the grad school and, and, you know, doing her thing and then, and she's obviously very intelligent and beautiful. It's like not having a real sense of a purpose anymore. Obviously I went through a pretty serious upheaval in my life this past year, and my purpose got redefined pretty drastically. But what I told her was like, even if you don't like where you are right now, like you can't imagine where the world is going, just stay alive for like a couple more years, and you're literally gonna be on the precipice of one of the. You know, greatest technological and social revolutions probably that's ever happened in human existence. And we just happen to be lucky enough to experience this timeline where even the least among us will be lifted up by the rising tide of this incredible stratospheric redefinition of human life and the attainment of. Technologies and science that just, it, it, it genuinely baffles me how disinterested people are in general about, you know, how fast things are moving and where they're moving. So that's why I talk about this stuff.'cause I'm just like, no, there is nothing that won't be affected. Everything will be affected and you are not paying attention. So, yeah, I'm just picturing at the bar having a little earpiece in like an AirPod and you are connected to your device, you're connected to your phone. You can, you know your puck answers questions on the device immediately. It knows your personality. You probably talk to it like a friend. You know, you vent to it like a therapist. You, you, it's, it's already so good in advanced voice mode talking to this thing and you know. I it naming it and just going back and forth with something that, remembers where you've been and how you felt and what you said. You know, I talked about it last week when I was writing those letters, but like, it's just going to get more intense and I really wonder how parents are gonna handle, like, it was, it was enough for my. Parents and my dad especially, to be worried about my video game habits as a kid. And I think a hundred percent justifiably so, like I, I played a lot and it was my life for a long time. But what happens when the video game I. Can play with you. Like you don't need a friend to play a co-op game or you know, you, and you know, there's already versions of this. I'm just saying it's so good and compelling. Okay, so now you have a co-op player, so you don't need friends to play on your team maybe or something. Or at least offline, right? Or even you don't even want to go online to compete'cause you just wanna play with your little AI friend. And then what if that AI friend. You know, just knows you and, and it says your name and, and jokes with you and, and knows what you like and what you don't like, right? And then what if you know a couple billionaires create a device that's gonna make them trillionaires where you are remembered you're listened to, you know, you can literally take it anywhere and ask it anything, and it will know pretty immediately what you need. And these things are only gonna get better. In a way that's going to kind of derail normal human social interaction. And you know, obviously I'm mentioning my own experience here of just being a bartender and seeing like the, the majority of the norm right now is just like, yeah, you order your food, you interact with me where you need to, but I'm kind of like a side character. You know, I'm in the background as a bartender and, and people are, you know, reading books on their phones or they're just scrolling, you know, whatever, social media or all the rest of it. But it's another thing when you imagine that someone is experiencing, you know, not just like reading something and ignoring you, but like talking to something at the bar. People already talk on their phone, but talking to like the puck, whatever it is, and you know, chat GPT or whatever, ai, and that becoming a norm where you're interacting more with artificial consciousnesses than the people around you. You know, I think that is a slippery slope and I think we do have to pay close attention to how we are integrating this stuff and how it's gonna replace, you know, things that are pretty common right now and things you wouldn't expect. Like I'm I'm about to go into a story about my friend who is a sommelier or a guy I thought was my friend. And I think one of the most fascinating use cases for having this new device around when it comes out and it should be out in the next two years, I think. What do you do when it can answer questions better than everyone? You know? What do you do when it can answer questions about wine better than a sommelier? What do you do when it can look at a piece of food and tell you exactly how many calories are in it? How, like, the temperature of it, what it, you know, how much it was cooked? I mean, imagine if you had a little accessory that connected via Bluetooth and it was like a little a little taste tester thing, and you could stick it into a cocktail and it could tell you the exact ingredients and what proportions. You know, imagine if you could stick the same thing into wine, into your glass of wine, and it'll give you the exact tasting notes with, you know, the soil and the temperature was grown in the, the vintner. Everything, and imagine, it could tell it to you in a way that you enjoyed because it knew how you liked to have information presented to you. So that's the kind of, that's the kind of future I'm talking about. Like, I don't know if this is freaky to you or exciting or what, but I'm, I'm just trying to offer that, like even in my own field, which is a very interpersonal, you know, line of work, I imagine there's gonna be a lot more possibility for people to disengage even further and. If it's coming for the industries and service industries that are very, you know, obviously most service, the service industry in general is a, is a more insulated, I think it's more insulated from AI just because of what I mentioned last week about the human to human interaction, still being something that is not perfected by a long shot and probably won't be for a long time. You know, human touch and human feeling. Presence, I think is something that we still will have a premium on for a while. Not to say that that won't go away.'cause I think, you know, robotics becoming so much more human-like, and every sci-fi you can imagine coming true, I think is an absolute inevitability. So, yeah, I think that's an interesting, just interesting to note how these, these systems are gonna come online and, and be the biggest thing in the world and, and how that's gonna change, you know, your line of work. I would be thinking about your own life and how you're gonna both. Enable these tools to be good for you in your life, and also not to let them replace you in your life. I think that's an important thing we all can do for ourselves. Think about the position we want to be in when these kinds of God-like technologies start taking over huge swaths of society in different ways. All right, so let's get personal. In my week in service I had kind of a weird situation with a guy who was a friend. He was an old bar manager, left my job and went to a really nice restaurant. Still bartending, right? I. And he hits me up a couple weeks ago and says, Hey, we have an opening. I would wanna, I'm recommending you you know, you should come in, check the place out, or whatever. So I go check the place out. Beautiful place. Really like a great vibe. You know, he tells me about the money they make. It's like way better money than I'm making right now. And, you know, I'm, I'm excited and I, I meet the, the, the manager or whatever. So yeah, it was a good night. Right. I'm busy that week and I just don't have time to update my resume and like send it in as fast as he wants. So he kind of sends a couple like, Hey, you should like do this faster than not text, and then, then nothing, right? So during the week, you know, I definitely should have gotten it in, but I was also thinking to myself like, like, I guess the topic I wanna talk about with this whole thing is just loyalty to jobs and people. Like knowing when to stay and leave relationships in your life. In this case, like I've been at my current job for three and a half years going on four. I really love what I do. I love who I'm doing it for, and I go in there and I'm legitimately like happy to be there every day. Now that is not to say I don't get tired and stressed and, you know, wish certain people would just shut up and wish certain situations didn't happen. All these things are a normal part of work. You know, we're all human, but this restaurant is like a staple of the community it's in and being there is a privilege. You know, it's a, it's got a lot of history and. The owner's still really involved. It's a, it's a beautiful family restaurant and all these things matter to me, right. And the location matters to me. It's beautiful and it's like fresh air and just like beautiful little town. It's in. I. So this is where I'm at and I knew that I couldn't jump ship from this job. I knew I had too much loyalty to the experience of being there to just, you know, without warning, quit and accept this position. So even if I rushed, got my, you know, resume done, even if I got in for an interview and they offered me the job that week, I knew in my heart I couldn't just jump ship on this job I currently have. And I know a lot of service industry people don't have that kind of loyalty to places. And a lot of people in my life are telling me I'm stupid for even staying at this current job I have that I'm not being appreciated. That I'm, you know, being pushed aside when I should be promoted, that I'm not making enough money. And frankly, the only one of those that has pushed me now to have to think about what I'm doing with myself and where I'm working is the money thing. Like, you know, all else being equal. Like, if I just made enough money at the place I'm at, I would, I wouldn't wanna leave ever. Like, I love it. You know, in principle for a service job, but it's like once you realize that you're actually falling behind every month instead of you like paying off debt or being able to save which is important to me at this point, you know, like being single and taking care of money and having a budget, all that was thrust upon me in a way that like, even though I kept the budget in my marriage, like being alone and just. Freaking out about how you're gonna make it. It really made me refocus on how I was gonna do it and the methods for keeping track of everything. So I'm, I'm glad for getting better at that. But yeah, money is an issue, right? And it's hard being single and it's hard living on your own. I have no kids in the no pets, and it's still hard to just survive on the amount of money I make. Right. So the money was good and I, I considered it. And I'm now in the position of having to consider other jobs if, if things don't improve in the next few months. But I saw this friend who offered me this opportunity, say at his girlfriend's going away party. His girlfriend also worked at our restaurant, and then we had a going away party for, at our local bar. And it was really fun before he got there. I was joking around with him. We were all having a good time. And then he got there and he just kind of had this attitude of like, fuck you, Chris, for not like jumping on this opportunity, like you're lost. Like you really fucked up for not doing it. And that just kind of threw me off. And like he start, it was one of those weird situations where your friend like, starts out kidding. And then they're like, actually I'm not kidding anymore. Like, seriously, fuck you. And and he actually said that at one point. So yeah, I was just like kind of taken aback by like this friend who I was super grateful for, obviously For the opportunity to even apply or check the place out. But I didn't like being talked down to, like, my loyalty to my current job was somehow, you know, this really stupid thing I was doing and just totally worthless. You know, I think some of the best service jobs I've ever had, in fact, I know the best jobs I've ever had have been the ones that I stayed the longest at, and that I grew relationships with the people there over time, you know, like. There is something to be said about holding onto any job service or otherwise, but like really building a community at your job and friends at your job and or dating people from your job or whatever. Like it's, it's the experience of a job can be as fleeting as you want it to be, or it can be as connective and communal as you want it to be. And in my line of work, it tends to be really communal and it feels like a tribe which makes it really hard to, to not be loyal to not. Want to be invested in the group of people that you spend a lot of your week with. So yeah, I just, I don't know. I felt really weird for being like, am I dumb for not like, I mean, my main concern and my main focus is wanting to improve my current situation by just using the fact that I love where I'm at to make it better and not just run away or run towards something that promises to be better. And I guess that kind of mirrors what I did in my marriage too, or my previous relationships. You know, when there's red flags in that area of my life, I tend to, you know, I don't know, make a lot of allowances or kinda let things slide in a way. And I know I've done that for jobs and for this job in particular. Yeah, I don't know. I just, I feel, I feel good when I, when I'm loyal to things. I feel good being, you know, respectful of the opportunity to be at a place for, you know, right now I'm the longest front of house staff at the restaurant I'm at. Right. And I don't take that for granted. I like that. I like being the person that people come to for, or, you know, look to for experience of what things were like before them, or how money fluctuates season to season, you know, and, and throw out some. Guidance on that. So I don't know. Anyway, I just, I'm, I'm a loyal dude in dating. I'm a loyal dude with jobs and, you know, it just took me aback, you know, took me a bit by surprise to see his kind of vitriol and his, his arrogance really. At the end, he was like, he literally said, I bet you a thousand dollars, you'll never find a better job than what I'm offering. Like, something like that. And I was just like, dude, what the fuck? Like, we're done, man. Like, you don't talk to friends like that. You don't belittle them. You don't like talk down to'em or self aggrandize because you have a great, you know, job at the moment. And it's like, jobs are jobs. They're, they're fickle and you know. This job won't be forever for either of us and neither of this life. And if you wanna be a friend and help out, fine. But if you want to talk to me like that, like I don't stand for that. So, yeah. I guess that friendship is kind of over because of that in a way. Like, he hasn't said anything to me, and I'm not like trying to be close friends after that. But like, I guess it just goes to show you that, like whether it comes to people or your job, like relationships in general. You know, kind of shape your perception of possibilities in your life. You know, if you think all you deserve are the friends you have, and they talk to you like my friend did this week, then you're just gonna keep getting in relationships with people who will continue to treat you that way. And if you're in a, you know, maybe relationship in which your partner is behaving in a way that. You know, is disrespectful, but you just wanna keep giving them allowances for doing it'cause you love other things about them, or you forgive them easily, or whatever. Or because you're loyal to the idea of the relationship or you know the story you tell yourself about how you're helping them or something. You know, just remember that you are being shaped by your acceptance of that and the story we tell ourselves so often in life. It tends to be what we live out, right. And with jobs too. You know, I think we tell ourselves stories about, you know, the, oh, what job am I gonna get, like after college, or what job do I deserve because of the years of experience I have or, or where I've been? You know, and then we get into job situations and, you know, they don't give us the raise we deserve or put us in the position we're in, or we think we deserve to be in. You know, you're talked down to because you're a woman or you know, you're. You're disregarded because of something else. There are a myriad of ways that jobs and the people there can treat us and treat us poorly, and I just think it's a good reminder to not let your job define who you are and not let your job define what you think you can get in terms of a better job prospect. Because you can always do something different. You can always do something different like. Most of us have a choice, right? Everyone listening to this probably has a, a choice, at least ostensibly, about what they do and how they do it. You know, notwithstanding the obvious non-choice to participate in capitalism and student debt and things that were foisted upon us a little bit. But uh, besides that, you know, we have a lot of choices for how we spend our days, and I think. My sudden divorce in the last year really just thrust upon me the idea that like, don't ever get too tied up in a story you're telling yourself or a relationship or a job or whatever, a situation.'cause this situation can always change and it will always change and you really don't have a lot of control over it. And you can influence it and you can always be prepared as you can be for the next great opportunity. But it is important to remember that there was so much. That we just have to kind of roll with. But if we roll with things too much, they become kind of a prison of our own making. So yeah, don't let your job or your relationships shape your perception of your possibilities. All right. So I have kind of a rough story to share and I wish I had a woman here to talk to me about it, but I just need to get this out'cause it was weird and it happened this week and I wanted to share it. So there's a couple that comes to the bar. They're well known in the community. They've been married a long time. The husband is a, you know, mag of his field and they're both alcoholics and they basically roam around our small little area going from bar to bar most of their days and they're stuck in a marriage together that I've been watching crumble for years now. They basically come into the bar and get too drunk and publicly act out their drama. Right. That kind of couple I. So the wife comes in this past week and she is like rougher than normal, you know, like she looks roughed up, but she is just obviously already pretty, you know, on the doorway to drunk when she is when she comes in. So, you know, I've always tried to be a friend of this woman. I talk to her. I always, I've helped her home when she's been too drunk, stuff like that. So, you know, I. Long story short, through the course of her sitting there, she's basically like my husband's beating the shit out of me and I hate my life and I hate my marriage, and he's an asshole, and she kind of just keeps repeating this stuff, and I don't know what I can do at this point because I've known this for a while. This woman told me this a while ago that her husband beat her. I didn't. Not, I didn't, I don't know. And she didn't say how frequently or when the last time was, but when it does happen, and it's definitely happened like, like at least twice I can remember maybe three times in which she's come in, not with him, and obviously been, you know, have as a new black eye pretty obviously, or is, you know, wearing a, a scarf or you know, something to cover something. And I have offered every single way to help that I can. And while I was going through my divorce, I just remember talking to them when they would come in together, you know,'cause they have their moments where they're in individually and they're both melting down about whatever thing they're experiencing. But when they come in together, they really do put an effort into putting the facade on. Right. So I was going through my divorce and I would, I, I was telling them, like when I was happily married, I would tell them that story. And then when things fell apart, I was talking to them about that. And you could really just tell like, I don't know if, you know, sometimes when you feel like sometimes when you're telling a story, you're watching it really resonate with someone and you know, they're kind of digesting it in a way that's meaningful to them in the moment. I would always see them both listen to me going through my own experience of, you know, losing my wife and reforming myself and being single again. And when it was dark, it was really dark and I feel like it was kind of confirming of their own. Stories that they've told themselves in the prison of their own making of, oh God, like I said, nightmare out there. I can't become single, I can't get divorced. Like, it's only gonna get harder from here. And, you know, maybe this person doesn't treat me well all the time, but you know, we've been together so long and we have such a history and, you know, we, we have investments together and we have a home together and all these things, right? All the reasons you stay in a situation that isn't healthy. You know, I could see them digesting my stories of like, oh my God, like I'm living alone. This is so hard. I'm just feeling a lot of pain. Like, I hate being alone in my apartment. You know, I was sharing this stuff. You know,'cause like I said at the bar, it becomes personal, right? We're all, we're sharing personal shit. So I would share and they would offer condolences and they would both kind of digest my story in that way of like, self confirming it's good we're married. Then a couple months ago and, and now to present day as I've been feeling better and as I've been really, you know, becoming a new man and, and feeling much more empowered and happy by myself, and I love my free time alone. Honestly, it's, I, I'm getting so much done. I. But when I would start telling those stories, I could kind of see them pull back a little bit in that same self confirming way, or at least the denial of what I was saying, of like, you know, it can be better on the other side. Right. So I have been telling this woman I would do anything to help. I I, anything she needs, she has my number she can call me you know. If he ever hurt her in my presence, obviously, like that's Ooh, oh man. Like it's, there's, there's little more justified firing up of my Fuck you vibe than a man hurting a woman. And I think that's a. Universal, you know, or mostly universal feeling for good men in the world of just like we are the protectors even from each other. And nothing makes me wanna work out and to get stronger than the desire to defend women than I grew up with sisters and a mom, and I would do anything for them. So it's like that just really resonates with me and I find that very motivating. So when I tell this story, don't think it's not. Nice and cathartic to think about how I would beat the shit outta this husband if I ever saw him doing anything to hurt her. But besides that, all I can really do is serve people that come into my bar, right? I don't get to choose who comes in. I don't emotionally or morally vet them. You know, he could have beat her right before they come in to grab a drink together. For all I know like it, there's nothing I can do. If she doesn't want any more help than she's asking for, which is really just to have someone to hold her hand and let her cry at the bar sometimes as she gets too drunk and white wine, you know? And if that's all I can be, that's all I can be and I'll be that as, as well as I can. But it is heartbreaking to serve people that you know. And they've told you privately and you can't share with anybody and you can't choose not to serve them. You know, the regulars like, it is so devastating to serve a guy that I know beats his wife, and it is so devastating to remain, you know, mostly silent as I, you know, serve her as she goes through her own personal hell. And at every turn when I've offered solutions or talked to her about the bottom lines of things, she just like backtracks and goes like, oh no. Well, you know, we have this, we have reasons we have to stay together and blah, blah, blah, and you know, all this stuff. And I'm just like, God, your life, could you get so much better if you just let it go? Just let the money go. Let the, whatever you have tied together, whatever, just let it go. Stop being hurt. Stop choosing hurt. At some point, she is choosing hurt, right? Like. She has friends. It's not like this person isn't like wealthy and well connected in the community. She is, and she has people that could really help her out of this situation. And you know, I just, I don't know, it breaks my heart to just. Not be able to do anything more. But anyway, I don't mean that this to be, I don't know. It's a sad story, so it's gonna be sad. But anyway, this woman was in the other day and we were having this kind of interaction at the bar, you know, like she was, you know, the last glass of wine. I served her. I'm like, that is enough. Like, you know, she's kind of crying, talking to one of her friends that was there. The friend was drunk too. The friend leaves and then I'm just talking to her, right? And. She walks out without paying her tab and you know, I know her very well and she stumbled out pretty slowly and erratically. So I run outside and I see her in the middle of the street and I run up to her. I'm just like, Hey, you know, miss, could you please come back and pay your tab? Like, I, I just don't, don't want you to walk out on your tab like this, you know? And she turns around in the middle of the street in the crosswalk, and this is middle of the day, sunny day, like people are walking around. The four-way stop has cars at three of them. And she's like, oh Chris, what do you want? You wanna fuck me? You want me to come back so you can fuck me? Huh? Like, you know, we can do that. Like something like that. It was something crazy and I was just like, oh my God. Stop please. Like, no, come back, sister. Your tab. I just. You know, please pay your tab. And I get her back in, I get her card, like I run the tab, but she literally walks out before I can give her her card back. Right. So then I have to run out again. And, you know, she's kind of stumbling away and still crying and you know, and she, she literally lives very close. So it's not like it's dangerous and it's not like she was stumbling that hard, just, you know. The people I serve are kind of old and they're not always the most steady anyway, so it's just something I worry about. But anyway, I would run back out, give her a card and say, Hey, could you, here's your card. Like, thank you so much for coming back in. Like if there's anything I can do, like please let me know. And she's like, she says something devastating. She was like, you know, if I wind up dead, you know why? And then like, walked away. It's just shit like that where I'm like, man, it is hard being a bartender sometimes. You know, I, I, I had to go back in and I just went to my coworkers like, Hey, I gotta take five. Like, I need to use the bathroom and just sit down and breathe. Just'cause it's like, what if something happened? Is there more I should have done? Am I am, am I the asshole? Did I, did I fail in protecting someone is like, should I do something now? And it's not like this is the first time that this kind of talk has been said, but you never know how dramatic someone is being versus how truthful. You never know how serious it is until the thing happens. You know? Like that goes for my family and friends when I was, you know, feeling suicidal and telling them about it, you know? What's a cry for help and what's serious ideation? That was always something that was a question, you know, in those moments. But, you know, I just wanna feel like I did the right thing and I tried hard enough and offered enough, and I don't know, I have know nothing to give. I know resources, you know, I just have my time and kindness and at the bar, that's really what I try to do, you know? But to hear someone talk that way and, and not knowing what could happen or. I don't know. It was just heavy. And I think that's just a side of service that people don't always think about is like the baggage that people are bringing to when they drink and to why they're drinking and being the person who's serving them and having to cut people off like this woman, which I did. I told my coworkers like, nothing more for her. But yeah, you, you have adults who are like, you see the most vulnerable side of people like that. You know, but not only does she trust me enough from the years I've been a friend to her and we've been talking, but like to know, to know a side of someone where they, they really can't control what they're showing you, you know, and they can't always filter what they're saying. Right. And alcohol obviously has an effect on that. It's a strange place to be. It's a, it's a strange place to be where you still have to care about the money someone owes you while worrying about their safety, while wishing that you just could say something or do something more. You know, it's a, it's a lot and it can feel like a lot sometimes Okay. Now a slightly less heavy story, but still kind of a weird one. So there's this beautiful woman who comes in after work sometimes to grab dinner, and she's always alone. But I got to know her the last couple times and you know, she has a couple kids and blah, blah, blah. Just a really, really nice mom, right? And this last time she came in, I asked her for her phone number and she was very polite about it and said, no, I'm actually married. Like blah, blah, blah. But thank you so much. I'm flattered like. And then she said some kind of weird lines like, oh, you know, but he's out of town all the time and you never know what can happen. And I was like, what? Like not to her, but I'm like, what'd you say? Like, so anyway, that's just kind of in the back of my mind, like she's a saucy lady, very sexy and like clearly not in the happiest marriage, but like isn't gonna cheat. And I totally respect that and. For the record, I would never be the person that someone cheats with. Just so everybody out there knows. I think it's shitty as fuck. And I think people are stupid when they say they have no responsibility because it's someone else choosing to cheat on their partner. That is nonsense. You have responsibility for participating something that is a moral you douche anyway. So I don't, I don't believe in that personally, but there's a larger point to be made about not doing that. So this week this beautiful woman came in. And she was again alone and I'm like, Hey, what's up? Good to see you. Like whatever. She gets dinner, not 15, 20 minutes into her being there, a man I've never seen before. Comes in, sits down directly next to her on the bar stool and turns and just kind of stares at her. Like, doesn't make much conversation. Like they're kind of talking in hushed tones, whatever. But he like keeps his jacket on, like just this vibe is just like, I am here to watch you. Okay, so. Someone I can only assume is her husband sits down and the week after I ask for her number, watches her and probably me like a hawk. But I literally didn't look at them most of the time'cause I was just cleaning and I'm like, I'm not, I'm not doing this. I'm not gonna steal little fur of glances that you can interpret in some weird fight you have later, like buddy. But yeah. I was just watching this guy and like this woman, I felt so bad'cause she was just clearly just eating fast and uncomfortably closed out immediately. Didn't get anything to drink like that kind of thing. And I, I came up and asked him like, Hey sir, like welcome. Do you need anything to drink? And he was nice enough, polite, said no, like, I'm, I'm okay. I was like, all right, cool, thanks. And yeah, he just stared at her while she ate. And I, I just have to imagine that she mentioned something to him. Because this is how things happen in marriage, right? You, you, you're, you're, if things aren't okay or you distrust your partner, your, your spidey senses are tuned up to a thousand, right? And you interpret every single story they tell, or any interaction with the opposite sex or whatever as some kind of threat. You know, I remember doing this. My, my ex-wife did this to me, so it just happens, right? And in this case, like I just imagine that I'm, some story this poor woman tells where she's like, oh man. Like I really, I, I went to this restaurant I love again, and this guy bartender was there. Oh yeah, his name's Chris. He's super nice. Like he asked for my number. It was so cute. Like, and then he just takes that, like what he did what now? But yeah, like how weird to show up the week after. Maybe it's a coincidence, but he literally didn't order anything. He mostly stared at her and then they left pretty quickly. So I'm pretty sure I'm. Kind of right on this on this situation. But yeah, that's another reason why I won't be the guy that ever cheats with anybody.'cause I'm like, people are insane. Are you crazy? I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna have sex with you. And then your your crazy ex-husband, or I'm sorry, your crazy current husband is just gonna come in and like hack me to pieces. Like, I'm not, I'm not doing that. That's not how I'm going out. Like, I, I believe in loyalty as I've talked about. I believe in trust and I've been cheated on in both of my marriages and by multiple girlfriends. So, you know. These things happen and not participating in an immoral thing that could put you at risk is just one more reason to, you know, keep your, keep your head down and do the, do the honorable, honorable thing, right? But yeah, I, I was grateful that this this mom beautiful as she was, and as much as I would love to get to know her more is clearly in a situation where you know, she's in a box of some kind. And strange enough to be in a marriage box or a relationship box and have your partner be uncomfortable with you even being friends with the opposite sex. You know? That's, I think something that we should not accept as healthy. I. Anymore. I feel like it, it was maybe more prevalent when I was dating as I was younger, but like, and I certainly didn't feel this about anyone I've dated or been married to for a long time. I'm not afraid of friends. But I also am aware that, you know, I have no reason to be as trusting as I am. I just want to believe. In the trustworthiness of people, if that makes sense. So I still say that we should do the moral thing, and I'm glad this woman didn't cheat on her husband with me. Okay, so here's a couple quick funny stories to wrap it up. Earlier today actually, I had a woman at the bar, this beautiful older kind of gray haired Hawaiian woman with a big personality. She comes in with her partner and you know, I don't see her at first, and then I just hear at the bar, like Christopher, I look up and I'm like, oh, hey. And she just looks at me like. Gesturing at herself, like, can you believe I'm here again? I'm like, Hey, good to see you again. I have no idea who this person is for the record. So she just like, looks at, looks at me like wide-eyed and like gesturing to herself and then gesturing down to her glass of wine, and I'm like, yeah, it's, it's welcome back. You know, like, I don't know what she's implying. And she's like, super Tuscan like. We had like imagine someone staring at you like you had the most incredible inside joke with them, or a story or a meeting that you can't remember at all, but they are so convinced, changed their life that they're like, huh, I'm doing the thing. Because she literally said super tusken because of you. I'm like, what? So I was just like, oh, thank you. Like, hey, it's still, it's a great wine and I'm, I'm glad you're enjoying it again, for sure. But I literally just had no idea who this person was. I had no idea what she was remembering and referencing. It was like being in an inside joke that I was not in at all. Because I couldn't remember anything about it. But yeah, I just thought that was funny. Like people have interactions with me all the time, and it's bad enough when I can't remember their names. You know, like when people remember my name, obviously it's it's on my bar towel for one, but for two, like you're remembering one person's name at a restaurant that you like to go to individually. I'm seeing hundreds of people a week, and your story maybe happened a while ago, and I may not keep it in the, in the bank. You know, and then people walk in and say stuff like this to me, where it's just like, ah, super Tuscan. Remember? Like, no, not at all. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, so I just thought that was funny. And then the last funny story was tonight some guy ordered man, he ordered like a couple pastas and a Caesar salad and literally. He's like, not prefacing this with being like, this is a weird request, but just saying it like it was a normal thing to say. He was like, yeah, I want these things, but could you separate all the ingredients? I'm like. So you want like the, and he's like, yeah, I want, you know, the lettuce and the dressing and the croutons and the, it's like, so he separated all the constituents of the salad and then the other items to me on the phone and like, yes, I want these all box separately. And I was just like, okay. Yeah, for sure. I. That's, that's a normal thing. That's like asking for a cake, but just not baked in all the ingredients and give it to me and I'll do something with it. I'll bake it myself. Like, what is the point of ordering from a restaurant, sir, I don't know what you're doing. Go to a grocery store, get all the ingredients you're asking for, for far less cost and take it home and have the same experience but with more food. So yeah. It was a weird night, man. We had some weird phone calls, just like people, some, some nights are literally like full moon nights and it, it has lined up on full moons where it's like people are just acting weird, dude. You know? And tonight was just one of those nights. Maybe if it's a afternoon or something, I don't know, but like, it was just a weird night, weird vibe and, and people. People acting like people acting crazy. So yeah, unless ordering all of your to-go ingredients separately is not crazy and I'm crazy, then I accept that. But yeah, pretty, pretty weird. I haven't heard that one before. Alright, so, the call to action this week, your last call to action. Look at the closest relationships you have in your life. Notice where you spend most of your time and how you feel there. Move towards the relationships that grow and enrich your life and away from those that cut you down or box you in. Most importantly, notice how you think and act your way into your own boxes. Right? So I mean like, just keeping in in mind everything we just talked about, like friendships, deep, personal, romantic relationships, your job. Everything we're participating in life is by choice, and if something's not working, you can change it. And if something's unhealthy for you, you definitely should change it. And to the best of our ability where we can encourage others to make healthier choices and make those positive changes, I think it's really important that we do so. So notice where you're in your own boxes of the stories you tell in your life of what you deserve or the best you can do, you know, and, and notice where you're kind of accepting behaviors from friends or people that you think are friends that you really shouldn't. You know, I, I think we all have our own places to go in this life and making sure that our narrative lines up with a growth. Uplifting vision for our future is a really important part of developing and getting better as a person. So please subscribe and rate the show in whatever app you're using. Be a part of the pride and help it grow. Feel free to leave a review and please share with someone you think would like the show. I really appreciate it. You can call in at(720) 515-7218. Leave a message and let me know if you have a story to share or advice to ask for. You can also email me at Service Animals Roar, ROAR, at gmail.com. Thanks so much for hanging out with me. I don't take your time or attention for granted, and I hope you feel respected and better for sharing it with me. Remember that every day counts and every moment is another chance to turn it all around. So until next time. Stay wild my friends.