Service Animals - Ep. 10 - Drugs, Dancing & Desert Divinations (Part 1)

Transcript

Chris: 0:17

Hello, and welcome to Service Animals. I'm your host, Chris Connors. Please grab yourself a seat and join me for episode 10. Visit the podcast by the service industry about the service industry, life, and everything else. Thanks for being here. I appreciate y'all. So yeah, this is a show for all of us to share our experiences and insights. If you'd like to be a part of it, you can call in at(720) 515-7218. Leave a message and let me know if you have a story to share or advice to ask for. You can also email at service Animals roar@gmail.com. Come be a guest on the show, anonymous or recognized. Share your best tales, promote your craft and have a laugh with me. Alright, now that that's out of the way. Holy shit. Welcome back. I am back. I was just gone for a week in the desert, like I mentioned last time. I had never done anything like this before and quite frankly, I was pretty trepidatious about the whole thing. You know, I'm not much of a camper living in Colorado, sorry, living in Colorado. I wanted to get better at it and have intended to, but just have not gotten out there that much. And to be thrust into the. Absolutely incoherent chaos. That can be the weather, that can be the emotions, that can be the la the landscape, the, the insects, the scorpions, uh, everything that the desert is. It was truly, uh, a breathtaking and an eye-opening, experience for me. I would say it's pretty obvious I'm not the same person that I was when I left. And I know that might sound trite to go to a, you know, hippie music festival type Burning man experience and come back and say, you're not the same person. But truly, I will now mark my life in a way that's like, before Chris experienced this week and then after Chris, you know, so yeah, that's, if that's not an endorsement, I don't know what is the sheer profundity of. Going off, taking off of work for one in a industry that I very rarely have time or the resources to do so, to be sponsored basically by a very generous friend from childhood to tag along with him, his husband and his merry band of boys to go camping in the desert for a week at an event that I'm not gonna name, uh, for, uh, reasons that may become apparent, but, uh, it is the second largest Burning Man event in the country, apparently. So look it up if you want, but, uh, you know, it's, um, no, fuck it. I went to Element 11. Honestly, I wanna say it because I think that if people don't know what to expect when they go to such an event, it's not gonna feel as honest. So yeah, I went to Element 11 and it is the second largest Burning Man event in the country, and it was. Incredible. It was, I'm gonna try to capture this in a way that feels coherent at some point, but I'm still just in awe of the whole experience. Like, and honestly, coming back, uh, I flew out last Tuesday and then came back, um, this Monday night or this, you know, this week's mon. Anyway, this past Monday I was back, so it was gone a week and I went right back to work. So I haven't had much time to decompress. I've just been, uh, working every day and yeah, obviously need to since I took off. But yeah, it was, um, I just have never done anything like it and never expected that I would. And it's the weird place you find yourself where, you know, you're with people who are way more experienced. He's done it. I think this was his eighth time doing it. Um, and I felt, I felt very well taken care of while also feeling like, you know, everyone's situation was. In each other's hands and, you know, as precarious as you know, moods holding up or camaraderie persisting through tough times and tough weather. So having, you know, just a tribal experience like that again, to go into a space that is so, you know, the desert feels like ancient, it feels like a different type of geography that if you don't go into it ever or often, you just don't see it or feel it. But like, to be honest, I didn't really understand the movie Dune. Or like, you know, you watch Star Wars and you see tattooing and you're like, oh yeah, I get what a Sandy planet would feel like. And it's like, no, you don't, like, if you don't know what the middle of the desert feels like, you don't know what it feels like. And I didn't actually know that that was an experience I was yet to have as an adult person on this earth. You know, it was like. You know, you don't go to the deep ocean much. And maybe after the, you know, titan gate thing, uh, we don't really want to right now, but, uh, I don't picture many people going to the desert or the middle of it and to experience that for the first time. Like truly, I don't think I've ever been, I've been in the Badlands before, you know, and that was beautiful. But this was something else. It was truly like, you know, the, the pounded dust of, of time, the, the, the dust that lingers in the air on the wind, the, you know, and sand that, that crushes beneath your feet, but still has plenty of rock and just, you know, everything just feels like it's been there forever. Um,'cause obviously it's been there for a very long time, but, um, yeah, I don't know. It was majestic in, in a way, I didn't. Expect or understand until I saw the first sunrise out there, and it was harsh in ways I didn't comprehend until I experienced the first true dust storm. As you're walking through that with the, you know, a bandana whipping, uh, around your mouth or, you know, your goggles barely keeping out the, the whipping sands, from your eyes, uh, as someone who wore contacts all week, I can tell you it didn't it it was gritty, uh, for much of the time. But, uh, yeah, it is a, it's a different type of world that just, it, it captured me, you know, it like it got to the, to my soul a bit. But yeah, it, it is, it's, it's so hard to describe, but I, I really recommend everyone at least try camping in a desert-like location Sometime we were 45 minutes, I believe, to an hour outside of the nearest small town. Which really only felt like, you know, one of those small towns with like a gas station and, uh, some farmland. But, uh, yeah, it was out there, it was remote. It was, you know, risky. You have to be prepared, you have to bring the right gear. You know, I packed for this, I worked right up to the night before and I released the last episode, I think like the night before I left and then packed and then was, had like two hours of sleep or whatever. And like, you know, they say a lot of serendipity happens around events like this. Like, you know, if you're meant to, to be there, you know, like the fates will align to kind of help you get there. Or like, you know, situations will come about where you're like, I did not expect that to work out like that. And for me, I was running late, you know, obviously I was tired and I, I was dragging and, and spent most of the night packing woke up, got an Uber and like, you know, I, I, I got an Uber and I said to the guy, I. Yeah. First of all, he took a wrong turn, so it became like a 10 minute added to the trip. And I like know that for airlines now, at least Delta, you have to check your bag 45 minutes before takeoff time or what, or boarding time maybe, or one of the two. Anyway, so I was like really rushing and really late and I'm not good at being on time right now. I'll be honest. I need to get better at that. But like definitely wasn't good for be getting to an airport in rush hour traffic in the morning. So yeah I told the guy like, Hey, like I'm, I'm running a bit late as fast as you can get me there. Like the bigger your tip, you know? And like he just kinda smiled and was like, oh, okay. And like he really took off after that. It was nice. So I got there with like five minutes maybe to go until the cutoff time where I couldn't check my bag. I was afraid of missing my flight. I felt super embarrassed. I'm a fucking like almost 38-year-old adult going to meet his friend who bought him the plane ticket, like a nice person. And I was gonna be late for this thing. And ah, man, I was so mad at myself. So I, I rush into the, the terminal. Like for some reason the, the outside bag checking is the guy isn't there, so I can't do the curbside thing. So I go in and like the, the normal delta gate like, isn't where it normally is. It's under construction. So I have to run up to a security guy and be like, Hey Mr. Where am I going? And he is like, go around the corridor and down the hall and you'll make it. And I'm like, thanks friend. And I like sprint down the hallway and I go and like, uh, I go, I, I go to the, the screen to uh, to pay for your bag.'cause it's like 35 bucks to check a bag now, which sucks. But I go up and I, I go to, to buy the thing, the bag check and the, and my credit card doesn't work. And I'm like, why now? Why doesn't this work? So anyway, I have to run up to the, the counter'cause it wasn't working at the, the fucking screen. And then like, I was behind like four guys who were clearly all friends and like, had been waiting there for a minute and like one of them had just gone to check like, oh, can I go in this line? And their lady was like, no, go back. We're not ready for you. So they clearly were like ready to go. Right. And I just know I have to do this. So I like go up to the front guy and I'm like, Hey man, like I'm really running late to check my bag. Like, is there any way I can get in front of you guys? And he was like, oh yeah man, no worries. Like, go ahead, like immediately. Super nice guy. So I was like, hell yeah. So I wrote up the counter and this lady is like, Hey. I'm like, Hey, I'm late, blah, blah, blah. Bag bent tag. She's like, she's like, oh honey, you barely made it. And I'm like, I know, I'm so sorry. Like, so I got it there, like, right, like as it clicked down to like 44 minutes ago. And I'm like, holy shit. Yes. So then I rushed through the gate, I rushed through security. I, I'm, I'm seriously late for my flight and you'll never guess who had to get a random screening on his way through security. But I am called for a random screening. And then not only that, my bag is flagged for something in the bag and I'm like, I didn't bring any weed. I didn't do anything. Leave me alone. I gotta go make my friend. I gotta get to Salt Lake. I. So random screenings fine. Like they just, you know, swab you and test you for bomb shit or whatever. And, uh, that came back lean obviously, and he's like, you're free to go. Then they have my bag in the carousel. There's like the carousel bags that made it through and nothing's wrong with them. Then there's my bag. It's just on the back carousel of like red lights shining on it and like drones coming over and, and inspecting it, you know, it's all very futuristic at this point. So fucking these two guys are just like looking at one's, looking at the screen, one's like fingering my bag. He's got the gloves on. He's like, opening zippers really delicately. And like, oh, there could be anything in here, you know? And I'm like, what the fuck? Could have tripped this off. So what happened was, I have a set of fucking, uh, like picnic utensils. You know, they're, they're metal, they're stainless steel, but they don't have any sharp edges. So I had the spoon, chopsticks, the fork and a knife in there. And literally it was a butter knife. It was less than a butter knife. It was like a travel butter knife. So it was a tinier little thing. And I'm like, I have a pair of shears that are bigger than this, blade wise in my, you know, medic kit. And I looked it up and I'm allowed to bring those, this has a rounded tip. Anyway, so they literally like gingerly pulled it out and they're like, oh, I see. This is it. And they like got kind of serious and he's like, all right, we can do this one of two ways. And I'm like, what is happening? It's a butter knife. Oh my God. So I'm, I'm freaking out. I'm like, you know, not really, but I'm just like. Frustrated inside my, my eyes, I am literally just staring at them like, you guys know, I'm just a dude. I'm wearing toe shoes right now. I'm literally just running late for a flight that was kindly bought for me like four days ago. So I didn't have to make a 10 hour drive in my Tesla from Denver to salt, like probably more with charging. Anyway, please don't do this. Like, you know, anyway, but I was just trying to be cooperative and he's like, we can do this one of two ways. Like you can go back, you know, you can take your property back through and put it in your check bag. And I was like, no, please just throw it away. Like you, I don't need this little butter knife. I'm fine. Like, so like, and I was like really trying not to make them rush their little spiel, but like, I was like, guys, like, you don't have to give me the whole like, oh, this was the, you know, a weapon thing. So they, I'm just like, please throw it away. I'm so sorry. Like, I'm just running late. Is there anything else I could do? And they're like, no, you're free to go. And I'm like, yes. So then I like grab my shit. Like I said in my vibrams, I'm running like sprinting and you can really sprint, you tippy, tap on your little toes on these things. So I'm like really running on the linoleum and uh, that was a tongue twister. And I get to my gate. I'm not kidding. I, I, I, I was running up this, the escalator, I was running up the up escalator and I heard a mom say like, oh no, that guy's somewhere to go. And then I'm sprinting down and like I get to my gate and like no one else is boarding. So I'm like, oh my God, I have to get there. And he is like, I run up and then try to like, you know, show my boarding pass. And the guy like, looked at me like, oh, we're not boarding your section yet, sir. And I'm like, oh, thank you. Thank you, Jesus. Uh, so I made it to my flight on time. I got to Salt Lake. It's a beautiful short flight. Like somewhere between an hour, hour and a half I think. But, uh, yeah, like the stars had to align to like, get me there on time. And I really felt like, you know, in Donny Darko, if you've never seen it, you should really see that movie. But brilliant movie. And in the movie the main character has like a, he visualizes at one point like this kind of like. Tubular like, I don't know, like centipede kind of energy coming out emanating from the chest, right? And it's like directing all of us and we're kind of all just following along in this cosmic, you know, uh, quantum you know, visualization of an energy field that's like emanating from, from us and, and drawing us forward towards the things we want. And that's how I felt. I felt like I was in the pocket of like, if I had been any later, if I had not, like if I had canceled on the Uber, which I was thinking about'cause he was kind of far away, but then he like got to my house faster and then like that worked out and then like he drove just fast enough to get me there with just enough time to get, you know, so the whole thing felt like pretty serendipitous. And, and, and, and obviously I'm still embarrassed that I was even running late for something that was a gift, but like, man yeah, that was, that was just the start of it. That was the intense, the intense part of it. So then we. I land in Salt Lake. It's a beautiful city, like even more than Denver. The, the city is ringed by these, these majestic mountains. The snow cap peaks, like really, like any angle in the city, you can see it's, it's like a valley. It's more of a valley than Denver is. Seems like a valley to the mountains that are here. But, uh, yeah, it's just amazing. And the, the people are like really nice and it's really clean. And obviously there's the morn presence and that's permeating everything. And that's its own thing, you know. But there is a general like politeness and just a, a, a, I don't know, a, a helpfulness. Um, but anyway, the, uh, I land in my, uh, friend, my opulent friend. He knows who he is. He is standing there by the baggage claim waiting for me in like the silk, golden blue pajamas is all I can say. It's what you would expect Hugh Hefner to be in, in the middle of the day and he's got spiked hair. It's like going slightly gray and it looks hot and it's fucking, he's fucking sunglasses. And he is got this stupid grin on and like, that's how my week started is just my gay friend looking as gay as you can look in an airport picking me up. And man, I love this guy. So, immediately upon picking me up, we go to the liquor store, see the plan for this whole trip. This whole event basically was to set up a camp the boys, boys boys camp, and to have my friend play his lifelong instrument, the piano, which he does beautifully and. He had plenty of equipment to set up, other instruments, to jam with people to have, you know, karaoke. He had a whole, like he said, he practiced for like hundreds and hundreds of hours to set up a personalized set list with music based on all of us who were attending. So this was a really special thing that he was doing. And to a, to a, to be an accoutrement to that, I wanted to offer my, what they call ply a gift to be the you know, Bohemian bartender in the Sands. And I. He agreed to supply this dream and to, to make this happen. So that was our, our collective vision for this for this event in this place. You know, he was gonna play, it was gonna be a little nice hangout lounge. We were gonna buy plenty of alcohol to supply to other people. You know, when you're at these kind of Burning Man events, you have your own cup that you bring around in like a carabiner and, uh, you get, you get gifts and, and drinks, uh, elsewhere. There's no exchange of of money. It's just, uh, you know, goods and services among the tribe of people who are there together. In this case, I think it was around 2000. So yeah, it was really nice size, like not too big, not too small. And I really wanted to do this. Like I, I was kind of like stressing about it, making up a menu. You know, obviously employed a lot of Chachi pt and the the discussing and planning with, uh, thinking about what to do for it. But like, you know, mixology is my thing. And wanting to be a, a positive part of an experience that these guys are pros at and like, don't need any additional help having fun, but would be nice to have a personalized bartender. You know, that sounds like a, a cool, uh, cool fantasy. So. I was happy to oblige and I thought it was a really cool idea in general. So yeah, I land and obviously in Salt Lake, the Mormon liquor laws are much more stringent and. Uh, we had to, uh, act fast. So we basically drove right to the liquor store, which are all state sponsored liquor stores. That's the only place you can buy'em. You can't go to like a grocery store for wine or anything. It's really weird. So they have this like tiny little government looking post office building and we go in and to say that I had free reign to pick whatever I wanted is an understatement. I mean, this guy, my friend is a man of means, and he knows how to be generous with them. And I was really appreciative. And he basically just said, go ham. So I really wanted to buy enough to set up a, a true bar, like a true bar experience, you know, like Manhattans, like old fashions or, you know, uh, you know, obviously margaritas obviously. And, uh, and every like fruit juice mixer, like ginger beer tonic soda, you know, diet Coke my friend really loves. So we really got everything. And we were running around this like a store, like some kind of, you know, Ferris Bueller movie. Like, it felt like, it felt like I was just in a video game and I had found the cheat code to just pick whatever we wanted. We filled up like an entire shopping cart of liquor with the bottom part too filled. You know, to put it in perspective, like we got multiple types of everything. You know, vodka, gin, tequila we got good Quantro, grand Marnier. I got, uh, St. Germaine Elderflower Laur. It's one of my favorites. You know, obviously handles Tito's, but uh. Yeah, like everything. So we roll up on this, uh, checkout and I take a snag at the receipt outta the corner of my eye and it was like$1,200 of liquor and that was just the liquor. It was over$1,200. And that doesn't include the mixers that we later got. DoorDash like that we picked up, like we had everything a plenty to do, like multiple styles of cocktails and in volume. So super grateful. That was an incredible experience. As a bartender, I've never gone into a liquor store and just been told, pick out whatever you want and however much you think we need for a week in the desert to bartend for a long party, a raging party like so. You know, I really want to bartend more private events and I think I'd be good at it, but this was a really good initiation to be like, holy shit. Like when you can have free reign, you really can have an imagination about not just the cocktails I wanted to do, but my, um, my friend's husband is, uh, he doesn't drink. So he was really grateful to have mocktail options and I really wanted to offer at least something that was, you know, you know, it's really hard to do mocktails and even harder in, in the desert. And when I don't have things like mint and I can't keep leaves of things you know, uh, really well kept out there in a cooler or anything. So I had to do the best I could with like, you know, your standard fruit juices and your ginger beers and your, you know, lime, lemon honey. Got a really good agave. That was amazing. So yeah, I did my best and I, I hope he was happy to, but like we had a lot of good, uh, mocktail options as well, so. Yeah. As a bartender, having that experience was something else. It was really, really cool. I, I gotta say, I, it, it was like being a kid in a candy store, but an adult kid who's like, I'm gonna get my other adult kid friends drunk. Oh man. So the first night before we went to the festival my friend to facilitate my bartending gifts. Was kind enough to order an actual bar, like a better ish than Ikea bar. But with a nice stainless steel top, like really nice bar top had cupboards, you know, the whole nine yards, like a towel rack. It was a really good looking bar set in the picture. Wood turned out to be a little flimsier and the, you know, sometimes the screw holes don't always match up and, it's can be kinda shoddy, but we really made it work. And, uh, you know, shout out to, uh, the guy who helped me build it. But, uh, yeah, it was a hours long ordeal, but at the end of it we had a beautiful stainless steel bar top with all these little nooks and crannies for me to put all the ingredients. And I was like super pumped. Like, just so excited. Nothing like buying all the ingredients for a, a fantasy, you're building a, you know, you're building your idea of what a, what a great party could look like. And part of what I love about bartending is like, it always feels in a way, like you're hosting a really great party for everyone. So yeah, that's a, that's something I, I never take for granted. And I really love being like, at the center of the party, but also like, just being kind of a wallflower to things too, like, yeah, it was amazing. So setting up this, this situation, this vibe we had the liquor bot, we had the mixers, you know, I was racking my brain trying to think of anything else we needed the night before. You know, we kept getting stuff delivered. It was a lot of setup. But yeah, we had this bar. The thing we didn't set up, which I really want to have for next year was an ice an ice chest kind of thing. Like, not quite, it's not a cooler, but it was kind of like a, a, a slightly off the ground elevated you know, ice, uh. Bucket in a fancy, uh, shell. What am I saying? Yeah, it was a nice, anyway, it would've been nice to have, but, you know, having coolers full of ice to grab ice out of was the best I could do with that, uh, in those conditions. And honestly, I feel like if we had had an ice chest set up of some kind an ice, well, I guess it's a, well, like a bar, well, you know what I'm saying? Where the, where the ice goes. But I think it would've melted too much during the day. It was pretty, it was pretty gnarly out there heat wise during a number of the days. Uh, and then it was gnarly, uh, cold wise, which you'll hear about later anyway, so yeah, a lot of excitement. Leading up night before I slept in the rv, my friend rented a huge rv, which slept five of us all week. Very grateful to sleep in the rv. Thank you so much. Uh, we had, u-Haul truck to carry the band equipment and such. And we had a U-Haul van to carry things like our giant trampoline, you know, so we had everything, we had all the supplies. Like I was really impressed at just how much attention to detail went into everything. Like obviously shout out to those guys to, you know, we're the merry band of boys and I'm not gonna name you, but you know who you are. And, uh, HK knows who she is too. But, um, I love you guys and it was incredible just watching everything come together and just all the effort of people like showing up and just like reconnecting after not seeing each other for maybe the whole year since the last, uh, burning Man esque event. So yeah, it's, uh, it was truly something else and everyone like knew they were bringing something to the table and, you know, I was just so grateful to see, you know, from my perspective as someone who doesn't know these guys as well, i'm just so grateful that like we really meshed and like everyone really came together, especially in like the preparing and the packing and the moving of everything. And I was just super impressed with everybody and, uh, and how much, uh, cooperation there was. And that was kind of the theme of the week, to be honest, is like, you know, you, you, you're put in a situation where once again you're brought down back to your animal instincts in a lot of ways. Like, being out there in the desert really did bring me back to a primal place of like, there's something here, there's something inside of us that, that is so lost or tame or like. Yeah, just, I really came to a revelation. It's like, you wanna know, like exclusive, wanna know why I say stay wild? My friends at the as the tag at the end of the show, like staying wild means to me, doing events like this, it means getting back to your primal self. It means not being caught up forever, every moment of your life in the technological wonder, the abundance, the comfort that is modern life. You know, all that's wonderful and it's nice to have, but it's like. Until you put that stuff aside, until you really refocus and figure out like, who am I without all these things? Who am I without my phone? Like, I turned my phone on airplane mode Wednesday afternoon and didn't turn it off airplane mode until Sunday afternoon when we, uh, drove out of the campsite. You know, that was amazing. Like, I just used it for pictures and video and I didn't look anything up and I just was with people who also didn't have internet. There really wasn't service out there. Like I said, it was super remote. So like until you go back to that kind of living or that kind of experience for an extended period of time, you're really not gonna know what you're missing out on. And that's like, what's so hard about explaining an event like this in general is people are always gonna roll their eyes and think like, oh, you're just hyped up because you did a bunch of fun drugs, which I did. Or because you danced for four or five days straight, which I did. Yes, those things hyped me up. But the thing that I'm trying to convey is that. You know, there are things in this life that you can't be told what the experience will be like. You can't be told what you're missing out on by not having gone for it, you know? And I feel that way about certain drugs. I feel that way about certain experiences now, like this one I just had. Um, but in a way that like, I know the best I can do is really try to convey how life changing it is to go for the thing that you might think you never would do in your life. You know? That's really what this whole week was for me. It's like I would not sign up for this experience. If you would told me word for word experience for experience, like what it was and what it entailed. There's no way I am experienced enough. There's no way I would feel comfortable with, you know, by myself or with just, you know, my ex or whatever, like in a general camping way. You know? I needed people who really knew what they were doing. I needed a tribe of guys who were like, don't worry, we got this and you're just gonna be a good addition to this. You know, it really felt that way in a way that I haven't realized that I needed in a long time. You know, obviously I, I, you know, went through a breakup this past year and I kind of let go of this best friend in a way. Like, I think many of us do in long-term relationships where we kind of focus more inward and we're more focused day to day on like our partner or our partner and kids or whatever. And like I realized that like in my marriage, I let a lot of my external relationships kind of fall by the wayside, including family. And this guy is more family to me than, you know. It just, he, he is my family, he's my brother. So, um, to be in a situation where I really had to re refocus and I got to refocus, it was, you know, I, I got to, um. Just rekindle our friendship honestly. And to, to get to know him again as an adult person who's had his own time growing up as I have, like, that's a trip, you know, um, watching him interact with, you know, not just his primary partner, but these other people he cares about, like, and how he cares about them and, and how they all interact with each other and, and the dynamics of that. It was really, really interesting. I mean, obviously it was more than interesting to be the only straight guy, literally in a band of, uh, mer gay boys, the gayest men, uh, and the Mest men I could have hoped for. It was, uh. It was a real trip. If ever there, there was a, lemme put it this way, if ever there was a time where you were gonna find out that Chris Connors was gay, it would be after this week happened, because I had every opportunity. And, and sincerely, there's not enough credit to be said for men who take care of themselves in the way that gay men do.'cause holy shit, like there were just abs of plenty and just fit, fit people everywhere. And the whole event, I mean, there were beautiful people everywhere, but like, you know, in my particular camp, you know, I, I said to my friend's husband, like, man, I feel kind of like I haven't worked out enough since, you know, in the last couple weeks before I came there, I was like, it had been a minute. I was working a lot. I'm like, yeah, every excuse in the book, I haven't worked out in a while. And he is like, don't worry man, like you look good. It's fine. But, uh, yeah, it was, uh, it's just funny to like. You know, there's, there's the thing about like your having friends, having guy friends, and then having a friend that is basically just opening up your world to all of his guy friends who all happen to be gay or bi and who are experiencing life in a different way than you. That I was just able to be a wallflower to and to really express myself in like, you know, ways that you don't appreciate until you're around that kind of energy. Right. Like, one of the reasons I've always gravitated towards gay people, honestly, and, and having gay friends or, you know, when my best friend came out as gay when we were freshman in college, I think he called me and told me I was ecstatic.'cause I'm like the, like basically being a man is like its own version of life and it's not always easy and whatever. Like I have my own experience and it is what it is and good and bad, but it is an experience. Gay men seem to be able to live an experience in life that expresses things that I really wish that straight men were more socially able to express. You know, like, like caring about your body in a way that's not just masculine to take control of something. You know, aesthetic aesthetics, being nice is a, is a fun gay thing. Dancing. I love dancing. Holy shit. Are we gonna talk about dancing in the next couple episodes? I rediscovered how much I love dancing and at least in part, I mean, actually I was the first one to go out of my tribe and, and go dancing there. But uh, yeah, it's like being in an environment in a gay club. I've always loved dancing in gay clubs, like, but just being around people who are like flamboyantly happy and able to move their body in a way that doesn't seem like they're projecting of version of who they are while they're dancing, you know? That's the most frustrating thing. Like as a guy when I was younger, I always used to be like, at the very least, I'm gonna be the guy who is like having a good time, not just being like, oh God, I gotta, you know, do this mo no man, I, if I want to talk to the girl, I gotta go dance. It's like, no, I'm out there, whether you're out there with me or not. I've always loved dancing, I've always loved getting down and gay men know how to dance and it's really fun. Also there's just like a lot of really healthy affection between men and gay men in particular. Like, well, I'm not in particular, I'm talking about gay men, but one of the other things I love about being around gay men is that they're all pretty affectionate with each other and kind in a way that like, isn't trying to dominate, suss out. You know, take something, be you know. I don't know. You know what I mean? Like, it is just a different energy. Like being around gay guys who even aren't in a relationship with each other is just more friendly. It's more kind and it, it's more emotional. Like the emotional expression of gay men is something that straight men just have no, you know, uh, ability to really mimic in, in many cases. You know, and emotions being incredibly important to me, like being around friends who don't feel weird about saying sincere, intimate shit is actually like the most refreshing thing you can say about a male friendship. Like a lot of male friendships honestly can be just, you know, completely devoid of sincerity, uh, you know, and like gratitude or, uh, intimacy in a way and having gay friends and having a gay best friend or a bi best friend really. Um, this guy's a champion. Like, it's just like. The conversations we had and the way that I can open up with this person and, and the way I see him open up, you know, and even cry with his other partner and, and, and, and friends. It's, it's truly something else. And it's something that I really like, want to keep delivering, especially on this podcast, but also just in my daily life in general, is just like, just this radical authenticity, you know, a radical sensibility of just fuck all the bullshit. Like, let's stop lying to each other. Can we, can we stop lying to each other in life? Can we stop pretending? Can we live the very limited days that we have? However many we have. Still very short. Can we be honest about shit? Can we say the things that are real, like. That's, that's really what the show is about and this, this is really what Stay Wild My Friends is about, is like radical authenticity to the human experience and not just the modern human experience, our tribal primal roots. The things that we feel that we don't want to say, that we don't want to, like, we don't feel safe expressing, you know, like there is so much to be unearthed in us and. Given birth to and explored and not feared. And, and if there's anything that I can do in this world and in this life and on this show to inspire you to give up the bullshit in your life, to really hone in on your deepest self and primor to yourself. Like that's what staying wild is. Rediscovering who you are daily, but especially yearly, especially doing an event like this. You know, going out to the desert, going to a Burning Man event, going to a even just a music festival. I know a lot of people love to go to music festivals. Like, do some, do some things that will get you out of your comfort zone. Go to some places that will make you feel awe again, right? Like else, what are we doing? You know, like I realize this is the first time I've gone on vacation. Like I. I mean, I, I, I, I took off with my dad to do a, a mini road trip for like four days last year, right before my wife left me. Before that I had gone with my ex to, to Mexico for like a week. And that was amazing. But like, man, that like a lot of life is like grinding. It's like working just to stay alive, just to make enough money to pay your bills and, and you know, that's a good experience for a lot of people. And it, it's, if you don't get out of that, if you don't ever take the time to really read discovery, to get intimate with, to, to touch parts of you that haven't been touched in a while, haven't been opened up, haven't been gestured to, you know, what we don't pay attention to will wither and die. And what going on this event, what, what experiencing this really taught me was that it's so important to find time, to take the time, to make the time to. Give yourself that gift, because if you don't give yourself that gift, that space, that, that bubble of time and experience, like, you're always gonna wonder what it would've been like if you had done stuff like that. Including like certain experiences I'm gonna talk about that are life changing and important for me. But like, yeah, it's, it's just, it's not healthy to stay in routine all the time, to stay in routine of mind, to stay in routine of body and decisions. You know, part of what I realized about being divorced again, you know, for the second time is like. I'm not just alone. I am like, there's a difference between loneliness and solitude. I think I mentioned this a couple episodes ago, but it's like, it's more than that. It's like the difference between the Chris that was a year ago and the man speaking right now is insanity. And I don't even know how to express it in words that people will understand who weren't going through that with me. But like to say, I would be here at this point to say that I would feel the way I do or, or have the conviction that I do that like what happened was right. And you know, I never would've left her, but she wasn't healthy for me and I'm glad she left. And I'm, you know, and not in always, and sometimes I'm very sad about it, but like, you know, the encompassing the entirety of your human experience as both things. It is and it isn't. Shout out my friend. You know, everything is, and it isn't like it is a tragedy that my marriage didn't work out, but it is. An immense blessing that I was alone at this time of my life, searching for an experience that would, you know, bring clarity or shake up my mindset, the the guy I was, you know, to help me discover things about myself that I hadn't realized yet. Even though I've taken some good psychedelics and I've had some good experiences, and I have meditated, you know, I've done some work to figure out who I am, and to say that I didn't have any work to do is insanity. Like the guy who I was when I was married was so marred in routine, in even the routine of pleasure, the routine of safety, the routine of comfort, you know, and having the freedom and the ability right now in my life to be single, to have gone to this event as a totally wild being. Just able to be Chris and to be in the desert and to really, you know, express myself and feel in a way that I just wouldn't have been able to with a partner. You know, as is gonna become apparent later in the story, I tell like, there are good reasons to be single if you really could use it. You know, and there are wonderful reasons to be in love and to, to seek out love and to stay in love and to build love. But I think I understand my life better in the fluctuating cacophony, that it is the symphony of, of time and place and the experiences that I have and, and the way that I move through the world and the things that I find important. You know, it's, it's truly breathtaking, like where I've been and where I am and where I'm going, and. If you don't find yourself in a situation that allows you to be free enough to express, feel, cultivate that you are going to miss out on something very important in your life. And I think a lot of people can get wrapped up in the routines of comfort and their job and whatever. And as someone who works on his feet all the time in the service industry, I bartend, you know, 5, 6, 7 days a week sometimes. Like it's a grind. And it, and experience while fun and while satisfying in some ways can be incredibly routine. And, you know, I, I didn't even realize how much I had needed a psychological shakeup, you know, that first losing the love of my life was, and then second. What, having the ability, time, space to create experiences now as a, as a, a new man, as a, as a single person, or at least as someone who's just a guy, just someone in the world having these, uh, opportunities, you know, it's a, it's a different type of life and I think it's an important thing, a metamorphosis to go through. So yeah, I, sorry, that's a, a long-winded way of saying that, but I just, I'm trying to convey something that's really important and I think you don't know what you're missing, like I said earlier, like you can't, I can't express to you what it is to be missing out on the ability and freedom to have experiences that change you, but I feel like Americans, especially with our work grind mentality, with our lack of, you know, paternal and maternal leave, uh, or vacation time, you know, healthcare, we are neglected and deprived and put in a situation of desperation. It's, it's disgusting. And to, to be in an environment where, for such a short span of time, even like four days, five days, what was it from two, we got there Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So like only four days. I had four days of this experience, and it literally taught me more about being a human being than anything else in my life. You know? And to say that that should be available to everybody is an understatement. It's, it should be a cultural uplifting that we do to provide experiences like this, to provide the types of, you know, drugs, the types of dance play, creative expression, uh, learning opportunities, you know, the, the caring of each other's bodies in healthcare and, and sexuality and otherwise, like, these are very human things that we have lost. And that living in this desperate, most of us, you know. Paycheck to paycheck kind of existence, student loan kind of existence when education should be free and we should all be supporting each other in at least a way to give each other, uh, free healthcare. But anyway you know, it's, it's, it's truly something that you have to see to feel. I think, you know, you really do have to be given the opportunity to go off, to look back and as anyone who studied abroad will tell you, you know, there could be culture shock both ways. There could be culture shock of getting outside of, you know, for me, America and looking back at the United States, and I went to London my senior year to film school first semester. So that was incredible. Story for another time. But looking out at America from London is quite the. Renaissance of thought about, you know, what should be allowed, how immeasurably greedy, much of our culture encourages and shows us to be by what we don't provide for citizenry. And then, you know, coming back to America and being like, oh, but I love this and I love this thing. And there, you know, are plenty of things I love about this country as well. But anyway, there's a culture shock to not just leaving country, but leaving one's daily life, leaving one's routine and not just in a way of like, I'm going camping, but it has to be combined with this, you know, obviously Burning Man is an event about like the shedding of skin, the expression of art, the radical blowing of the embers, of the flames, of creativity, of everyone around you to be a positive part of the dance and play and song. You know, a real human, authentic experience in which, you know, you burn an effigy that represents whatever you need it to. You know, it represents a burning off of the husk of who you used to be or maybe, uh, decisions you used to make, or relationships you used to hold. You know, part of the thing that was a bummer about this experience was that we didn't actually get to have the burn. It was far too windy and rainy for, for too many days to, uh, actually experience the burn for myself yet, but the emotional catharsis of being, you know, at that experience and, and having the burn take away something that you decide to throw in the fire or set ablaze, you know, it's a. Anyway, I belabor the point, but it, I'm trying to convey that like we do these things, you know, that may seem silly, like burning an owl or whatever you burn or, you know, dancing in the desert or, you know, doing drugs and having experiences that people who haven't done the drugs will say, we're only in your head, you know, but we, we manufacture these things in order to facilitate and inspire the states of being that will propel us forward into a more positive, loving, and peaceful experience. So to think that is silly, I think is a silly thought because it's the most important journey we could take in this life, is to get humanity closer to that idyllic vision of full creative expression and love and prosperity among everyone. At least that's my idea of what a utopia would look like. So having events like this and getting out there as just a simple bartender who wanted to give the gift of, of my craft and wanted to inspire, you know, some better drinking, some healthier drinking in, in the mocktail cases you know, it was this treat and I'm full of gratitude and full of love for all of my friends and all the people who made that possible. And yeah, it's, um, it was everything. So yeah, obviously this is gonna be a multi-part story and I mean it to be such, because I think every piece of this is something I really need to talk about in a way that. You know, I didn't realize that I needed to parse out until I started saying it, but like, this episode is obviously much more about the overview of the whole thing, like leading up to the day of us leaving the packing and the, the, the preparation and the meeting of the friends. And it truly felt like a, like a, a Tolkien narrative, you know, just to go on an adventure. Like I went to see mountains again, Gandalf mountains. Like it was that kind of vibe of just everyone coming together in this merry band of travelers and, and packing up and, and loading up and getting the food and all the gear and, uh, everything you need to survive on nothing, but you know, your wits and your supplies and friendship in the middle of a very harsh environment. So yeah, this is, this was that. And, and frankly like coming back and just jumping back into work, like I've really become. Much more aware and, and meditative of my space. You know, like, like I, I, it's kind of hard to be in, in a job where I'm serving alcohol, you know what I mean? Like, it's not the best thing to drink in the desert as I realized being out there and, you know, even drinks that hydrate you, you know, getting drunk in such high heat and, you know, high winds and a, an environment that like really dehydrates you in general. Like I cannot express how much, oh my God, you have to drink so much water out there. Like you literally don't have, if you're thirsty, you could be halfway to death. Like it's, it, it was as a bartender and someone who is around liquids a lot to be in the driest place I've ever been. Where I knew I had to drink more, but I wasn't used to it. And getting thirsty out there does not feel like getting feel, it doesn't feel at all the same as becoming thirsty in civilization when you have abundant resources, water, juices, soda, around whatever you want. Drinking liquor and alcohol in an environment of liquid abundance is so much different from drinking in a very dry, uh, environment of scarcity where every drop feels like, you know, you're in the sands of dune and you, uh, have to conserve every, every, all your sweat and everything. It's like, yeah, it felt that way. It was a, it was a drying heat that that just permeated. And, you know, it, it was a, a safety thing and it was something I hadn't really thought as much about until I really got out there and realized I had no idea what it was like to be thirsty or to be, you know, so aware and grateful of water and until I got out there. But anyway, you know, it's, um, yeah, coming back for the week and being back at work, like there is a, there is a culture shock, frankly. Like, it, it feels different. It feels like I'm much more aware of the space, what I do, the product I sell, the health effects it has, you know, the way people interact. It just sometimes can feel so manufactured, you know, like if you watch the Real Housewives of anything, like, you'll know the kind of women I sometimes bartend for and the kind of wealth I'm around. And it's, uh. It's just something else When you are focused more on like status and others' opinion of you and control than being in an environment where you know, not having the cooperation of your friends and neighbors could mean death. That is something that we don't experience anymore as modern humans and I think that is a shame and it is something that would humble us in ways that growing up with a cell phone in your crib certainly cannot And even further, like something else I had to realize about myself is like, you know, even as a guy who tries not to have miscellaneous behaviors or, you know, other, like, unnecessary shit happening in my head I can be kind of OCD sometimes for sure, and like washing my hands and cleanliness and, you know, you know, if I eat food, like, oh, is that falling on the floor? Like, where's that touched? Like, did I wash my hands before doing this? Like, I have a little bit of that, you know? And in the desert you cannot, your OCDs will not survive. The tests are not there like. There's dust blowing everywhere. There's, everything's unclean, everything's touched, everything. You know, I'm sharing water bottles with my friend and, and everyone else. You're just helping people out. You're giving people water. You know, it's like everyone's just there together and, and you're mixing and, and when you're feeling like you're surviving, like germs don't feel like as big a deal as like, are we all taken care of? You know? So like, my own like little bit of germophobia and like hand washing, whatever. It's like I was going to the bathroom and washing my hands and a honey bucket all week. If that puts that in perspective. Uh, it, for those not in the know, uh, it's a porta-potty, you know, like it was just festival porta-potties all week. Uh, we didn't use the RV bathroom at all. And yeah, I was like washing my hands at this like outdoor wash station in the middle of a dust storm and just laughing out loud at the absurdity and you know, taking my wet hands into the RV and taking my contacts out and being like, this is the best you can do. I hope this is okay. Like, you know, you, a lot of theories get tested of like, is this too, is this too German to stick in my eyes? Are my fingers clean enough? Like this is the kind of thing that modern civilization will. Get you to be, you know, like I think I became a lot more OCD about cleanliness and hand washing germs, uh, through COVID. And I think anyone who went through that, uh, now will have their own, you know, maybe phobia or fucking new, you know, eccentricity or whatever from that experience in that time period. We all went through it, who didn't, and it came out different. But for me, I think I started caring a lot more about, like, washing my hands and stuff after that. And going back to the desert and the roots and the, you know, primal nature of just like, things are gonna get dirty, dusty. You're not gonna be able to keep everything clean. You're gonna do the best you can. Uh, you know, just be as careful as you can. I think that just kind of mellowed me out a lot about like, I. How I'm gonna move through life and, and how I'm gonna take you know, my health seriously and, and what I'm gonna deem as healthy or not like. And especially I've already gotten better at washing my hands less since I've gotten home. So I found that to be a really, like, cool thing that came out of that too, is just having to really like rescind control in a way that the environment and the nature of the event itself really encouraged and demanded. So I was kind of glad in that way to be given the opportunity to, you know, to really test like, can I even do this? Like, am I even the type of person that can keep his chill and be a good friend and do the, the work of mixology I want to do and still have a good time? And, you know, I'm, I know I can get bitchy if I don't get enough sleep. Like, am I gonna be the bitchy guy who camps and doesn't get a lot of sleep? Like I don't wanna be that guy like. You know, and, and all these things were running through my head and with great gratitude, I am happy to report that everyone around me seemed to think that I was a, a great time. So, yeah, I was happy to be in an environment that was like much harsher than I'm used to and much more demanding of, you know, giving up your comfort and giving up. You know, just being, having everything be okay all the time and having everything feel okay. You know, you, you learn that while roughing it if you go camping or do any activity that requires you to be uncomfortable. But I think especially camping in the harsh environment of the Sams was really something else that is going to carry with me for the rest of my life, honestly, and is gonna make me really think about like, okay, what do I really need? You know, you kind of trim down everything you think you need when you come down to the desert and the basics of your, your experience and like. I survived mostly off cliff bars and like those peaches and oranges that come in, those like shelf stable, uh, packaging, like it was shelf stable everything essentially for the whole week. And not having my diet, not having my supplements, not having, you know, uh, a noise machine when you sleep. Hearing the womp w of like music every night, all night as you try to sleep. You know, like I really didn't want to be a guy who wasn't prepared or wasn't the kind of person who could handle it. But yeah, the confidence and the self-respect I now have for what I was and who I was, what I went through with everybody, and how we all came together. It's unparalleled and it's, it's really something that I'm gonna treasure forever. Um, so yeah, that's the story. Up to this point I wanted to get to about an hour. To do part one, but, um, yeah, incredible time. This was just an overview. Sorry if this was long-winded or repeating or whatever. I just, I'm kind of decompressing from all of these I ideas and, and decompressing from these experiences. So, uh, yeah, a lot more to say. And this is gonna be a multi-part series about this whole journey and, uh, what it meant and what I'm taking from it. So, thank you for being here and I, I appreciate you listening to my ramblings'cause uh, yeah, I hope some of that was entertaining or useful. But yeah. Okay. Your last call for the week I guess realize the immense privilege most of us have to live in the conditions we do. You know, I, I mentioned it before, but I'll say it again. Like the, the sands teach you something that you don't understand until you go out there and, you know, living in a completely climate controlled environment with I. Running water all the time, being able to flush my toilet as many times as I want. Take a shower anytime if I want, you know, modern comforts, essentially, I'm saying be grateful for them. I'm saying to be grateful for your running water. Be grateful for your fridge full of food that's not just a cooler, full of melting ice. Be grateful for, you know, food that's been tested and, and, and preserved in ways that you can use for weeks or months or years on end. These are, the dreams of the royalty of the past. The modern conveniences and comforts we have, and it's only getting better. And to be ungrateful or to not wake up every day and realize that, I think is, is shocking. When you look back at civilization when you're outside of it and you're like, oh, I really wish I had air conditioning that worked right now. I wish I had running water. I wish I could use just a toilet and not, you know, a porta-potty. You know, it, it so taught me a new level of gratitude and a new level of appreciation for the roughing it nature of life and being a more resilient person and, you know, appreciating comforts and, and definitely wanting to live. With many of modern technologies comforts, but also realizing the importance of just becoming a man who can take the elements, who can be his best self, even when he's lacking sleep or not getting the nutrition I, I really want, or you know, just going back to the bare roots of like, Hey, my name's Chris. I love the world and I'm here to help. You know, I think that's something that like, I was just happy to, to, to feel rekindled in me and to, to look at the comforts of my life in this apartment that I'm living in. You know, it's, even if it's not as nice as the apartment I used to have with my ex, like, this is incredible. And who am I not to feel just the immense gratitude of all of the accoutrements that accompany modern life. And I think we should all take a moment to appreciate that, honestly. So camping will teach you that desire will teach you that. And I was taught that in a major way this week that we will get into next week. So, yeah please subscribe and rate the podcast in whatever app you're using. Be a part of the pride and help it grow. Feel free to leave a review and please share with someone you think would like the show. You can call in at(720) 515-7218. Leave a message and let me know if you have a story to share or advice to ask for. I would love to have you on and you could also email at Service Animals roar@gmail.com. ROAR roar roar@gmail.com. All right. Thanks so much for hanging out with me. I don't take your time or attention for granted, and I hope you feel respected and better for sharing it with me. Until next time, stay wild my friends.